Introduction to the dark

These are my personal thoughts and battles I am seeking the answers too. I am a mother of 4, 3 boys and a daughter (3 months old). In my 2nd marriage (first one was a joke) and just am dealing with alot more than I feel like I can handle sometimes. I am renewing my life. I am kicking cigarettes, started to walk/run (inspired by my pomerade) and want my mind to flow against the wind.
I am sick and tired of saying "I need to lose weight, I need to get organized, I need to smile more, I need to stand up for myself, I hate my body, I look fat, my butt disgusts me, thunder thighs." It is time to just get up and freakin change it. I can say my marriage is FAR from perfect. I have a husband who does A TON for me and my kids and has given up alot for us.
But he has a side that he just outbursts everything that makes him mad, the house we live in sucks, he can't stand the way the teenager just lies to him and me, he wants a bigger, better car, house, etc. Get the point?
I love him with my whole soul, I do. The thing with him is his issues and the way he goes about releasing his feelings. We can be mean, but who can't? We have both said things we regretted, we both love each other very much. While I can say we have said some awful things in a fit of anger, there is no forgetting that, is there? You can say things out of anger and then say its ok. But is it? I mean, the person you take vows with, have children with, share everything with, should not have memories of hurtful words. I will name him Mr. October.